Friday, December 17, 2010

I Quit

Maybe this comment was just the straw that broke the camel's back but I think that this rant has been a long time coming. A friend made a comment on my facebook wall as a response to this post about rape and dog fighting. I am seething with rage over the comment and it isn’t even remotely close to the worst thing a friend has said to me or that I’ve read in my cyber life. But I am pissed and I need to get some things off of my chest.

Women’s Studies, academia and feminism have taught me very well to be critical of the world around me. So well, in fact, that I see the violent, diminishing, smothering hatred of women everywhere I look. This is not because I look for things to be mad about or because I want to see it so I do, this is because that shit really is everywhere. I am made to feel stupid constantly by people in my life who think I am too sensitive or that I am just an angry feminist who shouldn’t be taken seriously. And on my really down days, I start to believe them.

I am angry because around every corner I see evidence that men hate women and am told that I am crazy because I see it. And for once I am not going to qualify that statement and say “some men” or “institutional systems of oppression.” I am just going to say that men hate women because that is sure as hell what it looks like a lot of the time.

If I were to list examples to prove my point I’d be here until I die and that isn’t even an exaggeration. I’ll just give you an example from this week. One of my good friends and fellow bloggers sent me an e-mail with at least 20 tweets she had received in just a few days from a man who felt the need to terrorize her for no other reason than that she had the audacity to be female and to have a voice.

Here are some highlights from that diatribe:

“The better question is what good is a woman without a bruise and a mop.”

“You don’t need a psychic to tell you that you’re a cunt… you’re a cunt.”

“Fair-trade gifts…hmmm. My cock in your mouth in exchange for your femmy silence… fair enough?”

“Your writing is so boring your family would skim your suicide note and kick your bled out corpse for wasting their time…cunt. ; )”

And here is a recent comment I deleted from my own blog (this isn't even a contender for the worst I've gotten either):

“The quote is not ‘Get away from me or I’m going to carve a fuck hole in your torso.’
It is ‘Get away from me or I’m going to carve ANOTHER fuck hole in your torso.’
Also, you left out my personal favorite from this movie: ‘You may be able to vote and drive, but you will never be equal.’
Although this one also deserves an honorable mention: ‘...Women belong chained to a stove with just enough slack to reach the bedroom because those are the only places that your rib-stealing gender is worth a damn.’
I will leave you with these parting words. It is, and will always be, a man's world. Get used to it. Oh, and make me a fucking sandwich, bitch.”

That is just from this week. I can only ignore that shit for so long before it really does start to do something to me. I am angry and I am tired of being angry. But how can I not be angry when male violence against and hatred of women is a constant symphony playing in the background of my life? And that is just the little comments, the hilarious jokes and the shit my friends say on my facebook wall that I supposedly take too seriously.

I can’t even get into the news or popular culture because that would be another chore that would last a lifetime. I hope this isn’t news to anyone but I am sure it is and that is why I have to even write this post: when it happens to other women in other places, it happens to me because it is just the luck of circumstance that it wasn’t me that time. When Michael Moore diminishes the claims of a rape victim, it is just luck of circumstance that he isn’t talking about me. When Larry Smith says that dogfighting is worse than raping a woman he is talking about me. He is saying that my bodily autonomy is not taken seriously in this culture and that it is just a matter of time before it is me. I live everyday of my life aware of that fact and so do most women whether they fully realize it or not. And the saddest damn thing of it all is that one need only look at rape prosecution statistics to see that he is right.

So, do I think young women should study feminist theory? I don’t even know anymore. Maybe if I didn’t know I’d be happier and, frankly, life is just too damn short to be this angry all the time. Maybe other women have better outlets for the frustration and the feeling of being on the defensive all the time.

I am really tired and angry and tired of being really angry. That is why I don’t have the energy to blog anymore. I really do feel like I am trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon and for now, I give up.


Krystal Fawn said...

Don't QUIT! I've been going through this very similar struggle (as you can imagine), trying to figure out how to negotiate my way through all the terrible things that happen. But we should stick together. Perhaps take a mini-vacation, but come back stronger and ready to take on the world again!

Kandeezie said...

I know the feeling all too well. But it's like the Matrix...some people just don't want to see it. I think I have an outlet - I must have, but I don't know what it is or why I keep smiling anyway. Maybe because I'm finally standing up for myself, like NOT talking to ANYONE that doesn't see it the way I see it. It's a religion for me, like Christians who refuse to talk to secular people such as myself, I refuse to talk to people who justify violence against women or rape-blame. Plain flat out refuse. I cut people off. Period. Life's too short to be friends with everyone. I NEED to be happy and validated and feel sane. There's no more room for negotiations on that one.

As for FB, ignore those comments. I mean as in reply, thanking someone who gets it and ignore the ones who don't. They'll get the message very very quickly.

nobody said...

I hope you haven't actually quit.

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now, and your work is an inspiration for me.

Its the vicious misogynists and spammers that are the reason why we need to keep going with our work for feminism. Sexists are only the sign that there is more to be done. Just laugh at them and move on. Please keep up this blog :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't quit. I am 40 and a loud and proud feminist for the last 20 years. The movement needs you and other younger feminists to not give up even when it gets too bleak. Your work will one day pay off. It may not be in big ways, but consider that a girl or woman just happens upon your blog and has that "aha" moment. Or consider that a 40 year old is putting together a piece on rape culture and will cite your blog as one for rape crisis and prevention education volunteers to check out. Hang in there...your words are not going to waste!

Anonymous said...

Don't give up!!! I had a longer post, but it didn't take it. Anyway, I am 40 and have been a loud and proud feminist for 20 years. We need your voice. Don't give up the good fight...your words make a difference!

Anonymous said...

The "women belong chanined to the kitchen" is Tucker Max. The WHOLE comment is him ARGUING that he's not sexist. Sure, Tucker Max isn't screaming for women's rights, but at least tell the whole story.

Mary: Everything he says is disgusting and misogynist.

Tucker: “No it isn’t. If I said that women belong chained to the stove with enough slack to reach the bedroom because those are the only two places where your rib-stealing gender is worth a damn, that would be misogynist"
--"What I said was sexist, and a fucking joke, not that your spoiled pageant girl ass would know the difference"

Grace Wong said...

Please don't quit. I'm a Malaysian Media Studies undergrad who has slowly been exposed to the strange and unjust ways media paints women and out to be. I've been educated and inspired almost exclusively by online blogs that encourage dialogue on such issues, such as yours. Self identified feminists in my community are awfully rare, and I live in Kuala Lumpur. So even though I've just stumbled upon this blog, I intend to read through.

I know it's hard to try to push though the ignorance. I mean, there is practically no discussion on such issues in my classes, and like Kandeezie says, the people around me never see it (save for two friends, and certainly not my mom) I'm only beginning my journey and am aware that I will definitely be facing a barrage of crap for long, long time, and its important that I, and other younger feminists, have places to go to read up, and people like you to be inspired by.

Sarah said...

It's hard to be angry all the time, especially when everyone around you is telling you that you're crazy or taking things too seriously (since when is that a bad thing anyway? Anyone worth two shits takes things seriously, unless they're comedians, but even then they take their art seriously. Sheesh.) ANYWAY, I don't really have an outlet, but I do tell myself constantly that anger is not inherently a negative emotion. Anger is a logical reaction to injustice. Anger is a necessary and right part of the world - it starts revolutions.

DK said...

I really like reading your blog because it makes me realize that there are other women out there who see the same things I'm seeing and I'm not crazy or overly sensitive like some people will say. I've been a feminist since I was 16 and now that I'm 34 I can say that you will never stop being a feminist once you are, but the anger and always being on the defensive changes into wisdom and a deeper understanding. Not that I dont still have those moments, but I see things now through the lens of not just feminism but also through the lens of humanity as a whole. The greatest books I've ever read in my life to get me to this perspective are 'The SCUM Manifesto' (Valerie Solanis) and Stiffed (Susan Faludi). Another great book that I recently critiqued (and I do not agree with everything written in this book but it gives wonderful insights on why men think and do certain things) is 'The Mating Mind' (Geoffrey Miller), and then lastly, this "The real issue is not women's liberation or men's liberation or world liberation, it is self-liberation."- hua ching ni

Anonymous said...

By letting people get to you and stop you from having an opposing voice you are allowing them to win and thus doing a dis-service to yourself and women everywhere. If you give up on feminism you give up on yourself and that is far worse than any half-wit comment you will receive. Be the strong woman that most men fear and have a voice to match.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I see comments filled with misogyny and hatred and violence all the time and I just don't know what to do about it. I makes me feel like I am fighting a constant losing battle. It is so bleak...

Elizabeth WH said...

I encourage you to take a break but not to quit. Sometimes the world is too much and let's face it, there is a limited amount of processing we can do each day.

Nevertheless, the world needs people like you to speak up. The degree we both have is enlightening in the classroom but when you try to apply it everyday it's depressing. How do we continue to function? Somedays I don't but the other days I do what I need for myself so I can keep going with a critical eye to the world around me. It's hard, frustrating and infuriating but we must not lose our voices to those who are part of the partriarchy just because they are louder. Each voice, however small, makes a difference. I know it does to me.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. Try not to let the bastards get you down.

Anonymous said...

I came over here from I Blame the Patriarchy to read your post. I've seen a few feminist blogs go down over the years because of harassment. Men will send the ugliest shit they can, and they probably won't stop any time soon. When you get a comment sent to your blog, the second you realize it is negative, delete it right away without reading the rest. Or, have a friend open them for you and delete the nasties before you even see them. If your friends are saying antifeminist shit to you, they are not friends. Delete them. I've removed people from my Facebook because of ugly comments, and it's really no loss. Right now I've got a group of strongly feminist friends who I adore and anyone else can take a hike. If anyone thinks I'm a snob, I really don't care, because I'm happier this way. A therapist once told me to "protect my peace". You have the right to peace, and the right to protect yourself.

tinfoil hattie said...

Dear Mansplainer "Anonymous," thanks for letting us stoopid ladiez know that Tucker Max really isn't a misogynist. Silly, silly us.

SKM said...

Hi, SKM from Shakesville here. I followed your link in comments from IBTP. Nobody has a right to tell you what to take on and when. You know what's best for you; I wish you peace, safety, and health.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your voice, I appreciate and agree with you.
IBTP has been very effective in 'reactivating' my buried feminism, and your voice, among others are truly reassuring.
We are not alone! though it feels like that.. Take care of yourself and remember that many of us are listening.

Anonymous said...

What you do in life should be internally driven, not externally. It's unfair to say that we can just ignore all the things that happen to us, because in truth that all becomes a part of who we are, but I say this.

I myself may not particularly care for feminism. Not in some degrees where I have seen it taken to the extreme. That withstanding, the core belief is that women should not be treated poorly (this being my own definition of the idea). I say it this way because women and men are not the same. I don't mean to devalue anyone when I say that though. We're just different, but that doesn't mean that for these basic and fundamental differences that you devalue a person's life. Now what I believe in is probably different from what others believe, perhaps some would say it's not enough, that I don't get it, or others might say I'm an idiot; I don't really care though. It's my belief, and I'll stand by it through and through because that's me and it's who I am.

So let me get this straight. You truly believed in whatever idea that you had, but now you're going to quit? I don't get that, because the moment you do, you quit on more than just an idea. Guess some might say you're quitting on the hope for all women that are still suffering from oppression. I care about those other women, but you know what? For the sake of what you're considering, they don't matter. What matters is that you'd be quitting on yourself. You just wouldn't be who you are anymore. That's the most important thing.

Why is that foremost above all else? Because a belief, and an idea....they start somewhere. If they can't survive from the point of their creation, then they can't continue to grow. And would it matter then if the next day that every woman in the world would finally be valued for who they are? it wouldn't, because we would have already lost one. Loss of spirit, loss of wouldn't be there to live in that dream now realized. I imagine that would be the most depressing thing of all.

I believe you must have been a fighter to make it this long, but if I believe that then it means I don't believe you to be a quitter. Betcha a bunch of others would feel similarly. Still your call. Just would hate to see you quit on yourself.

Take my challenge. Truly believe in what you believe in, and don't lose yourself.

Denise said...

Hey, dropped in from IBTP.

The above comment is stupid. You have no obligation to keep fighting even though it is hurting yourself. Some people have teflon hearts and can deflect criticism and ugliness with aplomb. But not everybody. And if that's not you (and it's sure has hell not me!) then that's OK. It doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you're not a fighter, and it doesn't mean you don't believe strongly enough in your ideals.

What does it mean? Well, it means you might be sensitive. It means that what other people think matters to you. And what is wrong with these traits? Absolutely nothing. We are humans. We have emotions. We are social, and being social means that we crave positive feedback from others.

So why is it so common for people to denigrate these qualities?

Patriarchy, for fucks sake! Sensitivity and caring about others is feminine, and feminine is bad, loathsome, contemptible. Only a weak, pathetic, spineless woman would have the temerity to have feelings. Only a pathetic sack of shit lady would be upset when people constantly abuse her!

The fact that what people say hurts you says nothing about you whatsoever except that you are a human being.

Take care of yourself. You can't do feminism any good by doing something that damages you beyond your ability to cope with it. Your first responsibility is to yourself. There are many of us out here, and we understand when you need to take a break, and we will be here to welcome you back when and if you are ready to return.

And of course, even if you stop being an Internet Feminist, you'll still always be a Real Life feminist, and just being out there, being you, is a radical act!

Lindsey said...

Hi, just followed your link from IBTP and read your post. I feel for you. I've been considering starting a similar blog myself, but got to thinking that there are so many good ones out there what would be the point? Your post has shown me the point: a)there is still a hell of a lot of shit to stand up against, and b)the more voices that join in the easier it will be on each individual in the movement, whether to offer support or to take up the reigns when it's time for them to take a rest or retire. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next, you sound like an awesome person :)

Anonymous said...

Hi. I found you over at IBTP.

Yes, I've felt like this for a while. My mental health was suffering, so 8 months ago I stopped reading femblogs etc and tried to be 'normal'. It hasn't really worked. I'm still depressed. I'm still angry. I still don't want to leave my house.

I suggest that we all pool our money together and live ina feminist commune.

bellydonna said...

Say it, Sister. Truth to power. Hope you are in a PhD program. Love ya.

bellydonna said...

Say it, Sister. Truth to power. Hope you are in a PhD program. Love ya.

Katie said...

NOO come back here where the fuck have you gone? your blog is inspirational, i am a twenty year old women who is finally starting to learn the vocabulary for all the fucked up shit i see and experience and it's extremely disheartening that you've let shitheads on the internet get you down! they are just trying to continue to oppress you, and you know that, and if you never post on here again you are letting them win! and sure, you can argue it's not your responsibility to be a crusade against misogyny and sexism, but the fact of the matter is it's ALL of our responsibilities and you know your shit. i hope you will read this and at least consider writing on article on here every now and then, and maybe forgoing the comment section cause fuck the haters, you know? figuratively speaking, that is.

Aitch said...

take care, take a break and return to your writing.
I agree with the poster who said to delete the hostile comments immediately.

Julia Leigh said...

I agree, take a break and come back when you are ready. We will wait for you!

Anonymous said...

Don't quit, come back! I just found your blog and I love it.

I'm on my fourth tour in Afghanistan and the way women are treated in the military machine is disheartening. I went through a lot of years where I also felt like it was me, I was being oversensitive, I needed to understand they were joking.

I've been in the machine for twelve years now. It's not me, I'm not being oversensitive, and their jokes are a thin skin of degradation that make it easy for them to keep running the world. Because we keep wondering if we're too sensitive.

Anonymous said...

Don't quit. As unbelievably frustrating as it is, the world won't change, at least probably not at our lifetime. I, too, know how you feel- living in a world that is depriving and degrading you because you're a girl.
Maybe the world won't change so fast, but I am pretty optimistic that it will eventually. Think about how much we've progressed in the last few centuries. Think about how it used to be unthinkable that women held high positions, such as in politics, whereas today, they do.
And finally, don't say young women shouldn't be feminists. I'm 17, and to be honest, a lot of my best friends are feminists too. And if teenagers are supposed to be like the future generation, then maybe the future generation is becoming less chauvinistic... And maybe one day, the world won't be a man's world.

Suzanne MacNevin said...

3 things:

I don't like that you quit.

I really like your blog. Its a real shame to quit.

Would you ever be willing to do a guest post on Feminist Truths?

Anonymous said...

Realize I'm coming to this a bit late, but just found this post randomly in a search and I understand how you feel.

I also felt like this:

was worth watching. It's a great message about the relevance of femenisim by a wonderful passionate lady. I hope by now you no longer feel like giving up, and this is simply a lovely addition to your day.


Anonymous said...

Dear cortney.

you probably won't read this cause by the look of things you haven't been on your blog for awhile but felt like i had to comment on your blog anyway. i actually was linked to one of your blogs by a tutor, America's top model murder shoot, and i was quite disturbed by you're writing, because i could feel so much hatred in you're writing towards men. and yeah there are some guys who are real dickheads, but there are also guys who are really cool and the most nicest people you have never meet in your life and get screwed over by WOMEN. However there are a lot of women who you don't talk discuss about in your blogs, who are just as worst than the men you talk about in your blogs. these women as i have discovered act lovely and nice to their friends, but behind their backs they talk about how horrible their outfits are and generally tear their best friends apart. its kind of twisted world in someways, like a guy would never do his to one of his friends who was man yet he would treat his girlfriend like crap, but a girl, behind her back could be terrible and cruel but be loyal to her boyfriend who was horrible. anyway both genders are fraud, it's easy to see the good and bad in anyone. and i seriously think when it comes to pop culture, you need to do your research before you start analyzing it. because that Americas top model shoot concept was partly created by tyra banks, and she wouldn't be promoting male violence. she would have be trying to find a beautiful photo-shoot from a dark place . and murder and death is apart of this world, you can't escape it e.g cats torture rats before they kill them. its life. and further more our species is a horrible species generally; if anything you shouldn't protesting about women's right you should be focusing on this planet, that needs more help than women do.

i specially hope that you find peace in your life and not seeing things through a degree eye because thats not the real world, because popular culture rarely shows real men and women.

Anonymous said...

My name is Zachary Mclaren, and here is my email. You might need it at the end of this.

I take issue with your argument.
In western culture we are led to believe that the most violent and disgusting crimes are those that are committed against women. Not murder, not arson or any other of the hundreds of criminal acts that are committed every single day. I live in Australia, which frighteningly enough appears to have a law system entirely devoted to womens rights. Now take note, I don't consider myself misogynist. I'm simply an observer. I watch the news, I read extensively, and I spend a lot of time with women whom I most certainly do not hate. In fact I'd go as far to say that my female friends out-number my male friends by an extremely large amount. I would say that I understand women better than the average male.
The reason I take issue with your argument is that you seem to think that any form of media, including newspapers and television shows, paint women in a light that is anything other than good. I grew up in a feminist house-hold, my mother and and three sisters identified themselves as feminists, and this is an argument I have had with them many times before. I have yet to see an actual film, television show, book or newspaper article that makes women (as a gender), out to be the bad guy. I have read articles about mothers who kill their own children, duct tape them to walls, and kill their husbands. And the thing that makes me angry about it, is that these women do not go to gaol. They get to go free because they were depressed, or they felt unappreciated. Is that fair? In television adds, you will never see a woman who isn't looking absolutely gorgeous, every add with men and women interacting or just being around each other, the women are pictured as stunning goddesses who are intellectuals and can easily outsmart men. They are painted as the superior.
Is that fair?
In our family court system, the scale is unfairly tipped in the womans favour. I myself have a son, whom I have not seen in five years because my ex-wife moved to sydney, yet I still have to pay eleven hundred dollars every two weeks to support the child, even though she has since been remarried.
Is that fair?
In australia the statistics clearly state that three out of four cases of domestic violence are committed against men, yet there is no funding for mens shelters or support.
Is that fair?
There are no longer any male only schools in australia, yet every year three female only schools are opened up all over the country.
That doesn't seem very fair.
Male suicide rates are eleven times higher than that of females, yet there are no support initiatives set up soley for men, as there are set up for women.
That's very fair. I don't hate women, I don't hate women at all. What I hate is that equality has stopped being about men and womens rights, and started being soley about womens rights. And I hate the fact that you seem to think only men can be sexists. Send me an email back, I'd love to see your thoughts on what I have written. You have my email, I doubt you'll use it but you have it. Also to Kandeezie, I'd like to point out that not talking to anyone that doesn't agree with you makes you just as close-minded as the misogynists you seem to hate, why don't you stop being a feminist and start being an equalist. Clearly that's a better movement, and clearly it's not so one-sided.

Anonymous said...

"I am just going to say that men hate women because that is sure as hell what it looks like a lot of the time."

Wrong. This is just not true.

Almost every activist feels burned out at one time or another. You just have to put it aside for a while and come back when you're ready. You shouldn't go backward, though. As far as commenters, many are junk. If they don't contribute anything to the discussion, you should just delete them without a second thought. You don't get flak unless you're over a target.

CarmenT said...


I found you link-hopping from the original starting point of Shakesville, which for those who just chanced on this blog through blogger or a search of some kind, can be found at the following...

I am by no means a feminist in what I consider the traditional sense of the word, by which I mean someone who actually looks into women's issues in depth and takes an activist role.

I am interested though in reading more about what "progressive feminism" is, as defined by people like the ones who write at Shakesville. I think I found it through an article on BlogHer about the #mensaythingstome tag on Twitter.

I searched the tag on the web since on Twitter it seemed to by the time I got there to just be people referring to/making statements about what they thought of things that I hadn't read. So I thought maybe the web would be more enlightening.

From there I found Shakesville. This was just in the last few days so I really have read little if anything to speak of there EXCEPT skimming their unbelieveably extensive pre-commenting policies.

To be perfectly honest, that is what makes me want to continue on to discover what the site contains, in spite of the fact that it certainly is unlikely to be a pretty sight so to speak.

To put that level of work into just that part of the site says something. First, it says something about their seriousness and committment to the subject. Second, it says that commenting can/was obviously pretty intense and downright brutally hostile.

So what am I trying to say, well just this. I found you, as some of your other commenters on this post have as well, after you "left the building". I, like them hope, even after almost a year, that you will eventually be back.

The world needs people like you with the committment to speak their minds and especially those who have the training to back them up. I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said to encourage you to come back sooner rather than later.

Maybe the fact that this is yet another plea to do so will be "the last straw" in a positive way that counteracts "the last straw" in a negative way that made you stop blogging in the first place. One can only hope.

If nothing else, I wish you well and I will await your hoped for eventual return by familarizing myself with your archives which will also probably give some insight into what brought you to the point you came to. Whatever, you decide to do, all the best!


Anonymous said...

I understand that there are men who discrimate against women; however, the majority of men do not act in this manner. I am not claiming that discrimation of women no longer exist, but the equality of men and women as made large strides. The fact that women are now leaders of nations and are employed as government officials is proof that men trust women and view them as equals. However, when you make deragatory statements against men it does nothing, but cause friction between men and women. Men see your comments and become angry, and women see your comments and believe all men discriminate against women. The deragatory statements between both men and women need to stop, so men and women can unify.

Terre Spencer said...

Considering that I just found your blog and that I agree with you wholeheartedly, I am hoping that you do not quit.
I am a 57 year-old woman who has survived abuse, hatred and every soul-murdering patriarchal response to women you can imagine.
Yes, the truth is that men do hate women. Or rather that the immature masculine (which is what the patriarchy is) despises the feminine.
What is really sad is that this hatred occurs within the psyches of women as well. Some of the most brutal patriarchs are women.
I am angry also. I am angry for thousands of years of abuse and hatreds. My anger has actually saved my life and I cherish it as much as my capacity to love deeply. Sometimes I get tired also. And I fall into a deep sadness. That slowness enriches my ability to be present for my own needs and the needs of others.
Your voice is a valuable one. Get the rest and support you need. Thank you for being the soul warrior that you are.

Mardhavi said...

Grrlfriend, this entry was posted on my FB by a friend, and I jsut want to let you know I am WITH you! We are WITH you, look at all these comments you have here from your fellow feminist sisters who DO appreciate your work! Just a suggestion, grrl, why don't you change your blog settings so that you have to APPROVE the comments people post before they're made public? The jerks are just having fun at your expense don't even care. DON'T LET THEM GET TO YOU!!! Or even engage you! And they can't if you don't even give them the time of day other than hitting the delete button before it's public. Also, I hope you have a regular yoga practice and some fun art stuff you do every day. It is very important for us activists to balance the hard work we do with pleasant things so that we don't go insane. Lots of love to you.

Purple Quill (Annie) said...

Once, when I was really burned-out someone told me something that helped me: "You don't have a right to be hurt; you have a right to be healed."
People telling me to "suck it up" didn't help, and neither did folks that wanted to sit around being negative with me. I learned that no amount of rest or complaining helped unless I was actively healing from what hurt me.
So, turn off the computer and go grow something or learn something. Feed your soul deep down. Build relationships. Wait for spring.

Mardhavi said...

One more thing - YES, grrls MUST be studying women's and gender studies! I will say I am a much happier and more empowered womon after my studies. I understand the world better around me. I don't need to "be like a man" anymore, because I now appreciate being a grrl so much better - AFTER my womyn's studies classes. I share my thoughts on the injustices of the world when I can. I just put it out there, and let people react but don't pay much attention. Make sure you are pampering and adoring yourself, grrl, somebody has to, we womyn deal with a lot of crap and that's the least we can do for ourselves. Get together with your sisters for support. And KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO.

Bob Simpson said...

If you need to move on to other endeavors, than you are the one who knows best. I hope that after some R&R, you'll be back.

But if you do choose to end your blog, know this: you have made important contributions to human understanding. That is no small accomplishment.

We live in a culture polluted with all kinds of poison, a lot of it sexist poison and you have analyzed its contents and used truth as an antidote.

Thank you

Boner Killer said...

Just found your blog, will share!

Anonymous said...

Hi Courtney,

I've just found your blog through a link. It seems you have quit, at least writing the blog. I'm also a radical feminist in what I feel is a struggle to value females as human beings. Not only do I feel hated, but I feel fundamentally misunderstood.

I would appreciate having a dialogue with you because I've reached a point where I'm questioning whether I want to still identify as a feminist, or if all of this is wishful thinking that is causing more misery than it's really worth.

If you would like to chat, I can be reached at

Anonymous said...

Hi Courtney,

I've just found your blog through a link. It seems you have quit, at least writing the blog. I'm also a radical feminist in what I feel is a struggle to value females as human beings. Not only do I feel hated, but I feel fundamentally misunderstood.

I would appreciate having a dialogue with you because I've reached a point where I'm questioning whether I want to still identify as a feminist, or if all of this is wishful thinking that is causing more misery than it's really worth.

If you would like to chat, I can be reached at

Anonymous said...

Wanting to quit because of the greatness and importance of the struggle is a good indication that the struggle is worthwhile.