"She Don't Know She's Beautiful"

One of the more insidious double binds that women live with is the idea that we must be beautiful but we must not be aware of it in any way.  If we are aware of our beauty, we are conceited, self-absorbed, or vain.  If we ignore beauty altogether we are called ugly or we have our sexuality called in to question.  There is such a fine line between being appropriately and effortlessly beautiful and "trying too hard" or "not trying hard enough."  

One Direction's song "What Makes You Beautiful" is a perfect example of this double bind.  Another example from my childhood is "She Don't Know She's Beautiful" by Adam Harvey.

"Hey Joe"

I probably haven't heard "Hey Joe" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience in a few years but in the past two days I've heard it twice on the radio in Chicago.  This right after a man shot and killed several women in California and the media has been abuzz about the dangers of male privilege and misogyny.

"Hey Joe" is one of those songs I recognize when I hear it but that I never really spent much time thinking about.  Yesterday I paused and listened to the lyrics and I cannot believe what I heard.  The whole song is about a man shooting and killing his wife.

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
Alright. I'm goin down to shoot my old lady,
you know I caught her messin' 'round with another man.
Yeah,! I'm goin' down to shoot my old lady,
you know I caught her messin' 'round with another man.
Huh! And that ain't too cool.

Uh, hey Joe, I heard you shot your woman down,
you shot her down.
Uh, hey Joe, I heard you shot you old lady down,
you shot her down to the ground. Yeah!

Yes, I did, I shot her,
you know I caught her messin' 'round,
messin' 'round town.
Uh, yes I did, I shot her
you know I caught my old lady messin' 'round town.
And I gave her the gun and I shot her!

Shoot her one more time again, baby!...
Hey Joe, said now,
uh, where you gonna run to now, where you gonna run to?...
I'm goin' way down south, way down south,
way down south to Mexico way! Alright!
I'm goin' way down south,
way down where I can be free!
Ain't no one gonna find me babe!
Ain't no hangman gonna,
he ain't gonna put a rope around me!

This is the background music of our lives.  Is it any wonder that male violence against women is so normalized?